PART ONE - YOUR LIFE STORY
“In the end, we’ll all become stories…”
— MARGARET ATWOOD
Life Stories… they are everywhere, happening around us every second of every day. We live our own life story, we share it with the life stories of those we know – our family, friends, colleagues and neighbours – and we watch life stories happening to people we don’t know – strangers on trains, couples in cafes, families on holiday. We follow life stories in television dramas, on the news and in social media. We read about life stories in books – lives imagined and created, lives past and present. We admire other lives, find inspiration and hope in them…
Your story is woven into this rich tapestry of life. It interconnects in all sorts of wonderful, colourful ways. It is experienced, shared, watched, and admired. It reaches out and touches the lives of others. It makes its unique mark. And it holds meaning in more ways than you’ll ever know. There is certainly no such thing as an ‘ordinary’ life. I’ve had the privilege of writing and sharing hundreds of life stories through my work as a Celebrant. And while some have appeared, on paper, to be more eventful than others, there isn’t one life story that hasn’t made a positive impression on me in one way or another.
In this first part, we’re going to look at your own life story starting with the main events of your life, ie. where you were born, where you lived and went to school, what work you’ve done, what interests you’ve had… Basically drawing an outline of your life so far, together with relevant anecdotes and memories. This will form the basis of your story which we will refer back to in future stages of this creative process, as we elaborate and fill in more of the colours, looking at relationships, memorable moments, your personal, musical soundtrack, and more.
Just a heads up before you start… at the end of this section are ideas for how you might like to capture all this valuable information, so read that first before you begin.
Questions to ask...
“This life has been unique to you,
no-one else.
It’s all yours.”
For the past however many years, you have been living your life. And that life will have consisted of some, or all, of the following – being born, growing up, going to school, making friends, working, falling in love, raising a family, travelling, reading, listening, watching, doing... This life has been unique to you, no-one else. It’s all yours. So what do you remember about it? What have been the main events and experiences? It’s entirely up to you how detailed you want to be and whether you want to approach things chronologically or by subject, ie. Childhood, Working Life, Family, etc. And many of these areas will be covered again in more detail as the course unfolds.
Here are some questions to help you along…
Early Life and Education
Where and when were you born?
What are your parents’ names?
Do you have brothers and sisters?
Where did you grow up?
What do you remember most about your childhood?
Who were your friends?
Did you have family holidays?
What schools did you go to?
What subjects did you enjoy/excel in?
Did you go on to further education? College or University?
What qualifications did you gain?
Were there any formative experiences that had an influence on your choice of career or early work?
Relationships
What have been your most significant relationships – both past and present – ie. parents, siblings, spouses, partners, children, grandchildren, friends?
Have you been married? Do you have a partner?
Do you have children? Grandchildren?
Who are your friends?
Have you had pets?
Who are you closest to?
Working Life
When did you start working?
Did you have paper rounds or Saturday jobs to earn pocket money?
What was your first full-time job?
Where has your working life taken you since then?
Who have you worked with in terms of both organisations and people?
Have you ever been self-employed?
Have you ever done voluntary work?
What work qualifications, skills and experience have you gained along the way?
Which colleagues or managers stand out in your memory?
Interests
Do you have any particular interests or hobbies? If so, what are they?
Have you travelled? If so, where? Which trips stand out, and why?
Any strong likes or dislikes of yours?
Do you have any particular talents or skills?
Anecdotes and Stories
Alongside the factual information – relevant dates, names and places – it’s a good idea to include any specific memories, anecdotes and stories as you go along. Because it’s those memories – calling to mind what you experienced and how you felt – that hold more meaning to you. They provide the colour within the outline of your life and make your story unique and interesting. And, of course, these memories and stories exist in the hearts and minds of loved ones who shared in those moments. And those moments will live on after you.
Not all your stories will be richly detailed or even particularly eventful. Sometimes it’s the simplest things about your life that become significant or memorable, as you can see from the following examples. These are short extracts from real-life stories I’ve shared during funeral ceremonies...
“Maureen worked as an usherette at the cinema – complete with torch and ice cream tray. She always told the story of how she saw the film Paint Your Wagon about 70 times but always missed the same bit because she had to fetch the ice creams.”
“Ron absolutely loved his garden – he was even known to come home from work at night and rig up a torch on the washing line so he could tend his veg in the dark.”
“Sarah excelled at long jump – she was so good, in fact, that she jumped the full length of the long jump pit at school and it had to be closed for Health & Safety reasons until she left.”
“Cycling to work, Bill knocked out his pipe tobacco on the cycle frame, and set his socks on fire.”
CAPTURING YOUR STORY
When I learnt to type at school in the 1980’s, it was the era of the electronic typewriter, using a carbon sheet between two pieces of paper so you could send a letter and keep a copy. Fast forward to the 90’s, when I became a journalist I was introduced to the first Apple Mac computer. Not only could you could correct as you went along but you could print as many copies as you like… mind blowing! Well, it was at the time...
Digitally
Yes, technology has come a long way since the 80’s and it continues to progress at high speed. So while using your desktop computer, laptop or other digital device to type up your life story, you’ll no doubt also have access to all sorts of software. You’ll be able to create a multi-media, all-singing, all-dancing creation with pictures, music, video, etc. all added in to the mix. There’s no point even naming any of these applications because a) I’m no techie and b) it will be out of date by the time you read this. But if you have the time, inclination and the know-how, the world is your lobster!
Handwritten
You may wish to keep things simple and opt for a notebook and pen. And who can blame you? In this age of keyboards and touch screens there is something intensely satisfying about writing by hand. Getting your thoughts down on paper can feel cathartic, nostalgic even. It’s also very personal, reflecting another aspect of your individuality as your handwriting fills the page. And if that notebook should be left for your loved ones, think how much more of a treasure it will be for them to see words in your own hand, rather than a computerised typeface.
“In this age of keyboards and touch screens there is something intensely satisfying about writing by hand.”
Sound and Vision
I mentioned how unique our handwriting is, and how it reflects our individuality. The same can be said of our voices and, most definitely, our faces. So creating audio or video recording gives your story a whole new dimension. And, of course, hearing the voice of someone dearly departed, or seeing their face in front of you once again, is a gift technology has made possible for everyone, even just the swipe of a smartphone. It can certainly play a meaningful part when the day comes to celebrate your life. How great to be able to use technology in such a life-affirming, positive way.
Get Creative
Do you remember having a scrapbook as a kid? Sticking in all sorts of things and then the joy of flicking through the pages once they were filled? Well, you can create your own ‘memory book’ of you and your life. This could be a lovely collection of words, images, and also memorabilia, such as travel tickets or music festival programmes, whatever you like. You then get to enjoy it in the years to come and leave it for others to enjoy when your story draws to a close.
THE LIVES OF OTHERS - 5 Lives in Books
We engage in life stories in all sorts of ways, from the music we listen to and films we watch, to books we read and places we visit. Some of those life stories stay with us, striking a chord and making an impact in their own meaningful way.
From my first copy of ‘Miffy Goes Flying’, books have been a joy to me and I cannot imagine life without them. Everyone has their own preferences – perhaps you’d like to make a note of some of the favourites you’ve enjoyed over the years.
Here are five autobiographies that have a special place in my heart and my book case…
Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The first (and my favourite) of the Little House on the Prairie series about an American pioneering family in the late 19th century seen through the eyes of Laura. I still have the original Penguin set of books from my childhood and they are so charming, and have such a vivid sense of history, I recently re-read them all again.
Greetings from Bury Park by Sarfraz Manzoor
Sarfraz came to Britain from Pakistan as a small child and these are his memories of growing up in Bury Park, Luton. It’s both moving and funny, as he talks about his parents, his dreams for the future and his passion for the music of Bruce Springsteen. I grew up about 15 miles from Sarfraz and my father also came to England from India – so it struck an emotive chord with me. This book was also released as a film, re-named Blinded By The Light, in 2019.
A Handful of Earth by Barney Bardsley
Barney is a woman whose husband was diagnosed with cancer when he was 36. After he died, and with their very young daughter to support, Barney finds solace in her allotment. And gradually, plant by plant, month by month, and season by season her life begins to restore itself. This book left me feeling uplifted, grateful and with a deep desire to get out into the garden.
Swan River by David Reynolds
This is a beautiful, beautiful book about three generations – a son (the author, David Reynolds), a father and grandfather – stretching back more than a century. I was so caught up in this family and the feelings between them, that I was torn between gorging myself on one chapter after another, and pacing myself because I didn’t want it to end. Everything a good book should be.
Star Gazing by Peter Hill
Peter was a Dundee College of Art student in the 1970’s when he answered a newspaper advert seeking lighthouse keepers. Within a month he was living with three men he didn’t know in a lighthouse on a remote island off the West Coast of Scotland. This is a fantastic memoir of his time there, and on other lighthouses, the eclectic people he met, and his feelings for a simpler way of life, now gone. I adored this book and reading it while I was on holiday on the Scottish West Coast added to its charm.